At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
