if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
