How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
