why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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