and i looked up. we had an audience...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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