Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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