i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
