omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
