Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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