I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
