I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
