Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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