all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
