No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
