no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
