i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
