you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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