You just made me feel so damn special
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
