Betty ford says i'm here all night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
