im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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