Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
