dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
