I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
