You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
