what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize