After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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