I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
