hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
