Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
