In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
