Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
