Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
