My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
