They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
