I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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