Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
