Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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