Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
