talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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