you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
