The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
