well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
