thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
