i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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