I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
