ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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