You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
