you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
