If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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