What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
