Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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