is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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