So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
