last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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