Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
