A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
