I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
