I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
