Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
