Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
